Please excuse me, I am writing again.

Throughout the month, there are things that just keep me from writing for this blog. I am not talking about the anti-writing dwarf that lives in the drawers of my writing table. I am talking about the time constraints, the piles of work, and to keep it more real, the self-doubt and the laziness in me.

I’ve been wondering why I momentarily stopped writing. I’ve always thought of writing as a hobby. Much like the game tennis that my friend Ruby often plays, except it doesn’t require being a ball girl at times. Or wearing those itty-bitty dresses.


Oh yes, my “hobby” is writing, not tennis. Thanks heaven.




And since I have mentioned that writing is indeed my “hobby”, why is it then that for the past few days, I’ve been trying so hard to find excuses not to get into it? Isn’t it that when you’re talking of a “hobby” it means that it is something which relaxes you and that you always try to find time for it? How come , at this point, I don’t?



So last night, I spent few hours thinking if I really wanted to continue writing for this blog. Because if not, I strong-willed that I should make my grand exit post to the blogspehere immediately. I just thought it’s awkward to see my web friends visiting my blog (thanks to mybloglog for this special feature of knowing who readers are)without any new post. I am just saddened to see their effort of clicking my site for nothing.

And so I first tried to think of the reasons why I wanted to stop blogging for a while. I’ve realized that I couldn’t rid myself from this niggling whisper that I could no longer bring my writing to a higher level. Maybe because I got intimidated by those “super bloggers” who every day posted with such brilliance and perfection with a thousand readers in a day. Pride indeed played a great role. I also didn’t like it when I felt that the quality of my posts seemed to be on the decline.

When a friend asked me why there were no new posts on my blog, I found myself reasoning out that I couldn’t write because I was too busy. And yes, though my teaching job is fulfilling, there were times that I felt teaching to be physically and emotionally draining. Many times that I wished to write during my free time at night but instead, I just curled up on the bed and sometimes cried.

This post, however, is not my grand exit entry. Although I struggle with time, self-doubt and pride, I am not giving up because no matter how hard I try to give-up writing for good, my system keeps wanting it. I admit, it is addictive this blogging thing. The community. The writing.

So I tried to reflect more and I’ve realized that my excuses for not writing are merely excuses. And although time usually gets in the way of my dream of literary fame (gulp), my struggle with it can simply be resolved in the manner as I write a short story, I must be creative. Yes, I need to be creative with my time by managing it wisely. No matter how demanding my day time job is, I shouldn't let it stop me from writing because it is in putting words together where I could redeem my strength.

I shouldn’t get intimidated into becoming that “super blogger” I am envisioning of. I now believe that my writing has its own secret power no matter how unpolished and imperfect as it may be. And quoting from my favorite blogger Kit Courtney’s comment on my proofreading post,"Excellent content is a wonderful distraction for bloggers so you just make sure you write beautifully as always - regardless of the little mistakes!"

Yes, I have this faint hope that I still write the beautiful. Never mind if I make little mistakes. Never mind if my community is less densely populated than others. Never mind if I can never be that "super blogger" I am dreaming of.

I am back to writing.

photo credits:blaugh.com